Locks, pucks, and a few smoking tunnels
Gaderian, son of Magen
Beached swashbuckling corsair of Umbar
Well, I am incredibly handsome, with a fantastic sense of humor. Granted the butt of the jokes often lack a sense of humor, but that’s the point right? All my friends laugh!
I have also cultivated an appreciation for art, which I admit does have some professional application.
Pretty decent with a sword, with a surprising turn of speed. A brilliant seaman, and working in the rigging has left me with a good head for heights, which of course no-one gets to appreciate since I am now trudging around the North of Middle Earth hoping no-one recognizes my accent.
Most people are jerks. You knew that right? Now the biggest jerks were those “special” Numenoreans who ignored their King and sold out to those self-righteous Valar types. And now they run Gondor for goodness sake! And look how that worked out — plagues, lost North Kingdom (Mislaid a Kingdom, how do you do that?). Something has to be done!
And then you have those bureaucratic Dwarf jerks in Kazad-Dum! They think their shit doesn’t stink, but I’ll tell you from dragging my buddies through the deep dark that it sure as Mordor does.
Not even all of my own people have a sense of humor. I mean that sailor on my ship got drunk on his own time, and the captain shouldn’t have his daughter on the ship anyway, and whoever ratted me out for bringing them together better hope I never find them, but does everyone have a nice laugh at a cute joke? No! Instead the captain expects me to walk home from ruddy Tharbad.
Fortunately there are some pretty cool people in Tharbad. I mean my buddy Fraín makes beer (how cool is that!) and he doesn’t mind lifting a bit of coin from a mark, or a beer from a drunken town guard (yes, even Tharbad has a few jerks). And his friend “Two Face” is just amazing. I can’t describe how stimulating it is to watch her lift a purse from a dwarf. Just wonderful.